a day-in-the-life of Monty…

Wakes 5am sharp. Ready to perform the ‘love worm’: 

Flops on his side, paddles with legs, works his way up your body to armpit. Head lolled into armpit. Loving look in your eyes. You find yourself awake downstairs giving him food.

Morning, it’s all about ‘batting’ out in the garden. Think Furry Fight Club, where the two rules are ‘hit stuff’. Inanimate stuff, moving stuff. Stand-offs with Ginger-and-White cat: Monty’s nemesis. Think Peter Griffin and Chicken.

Late morning, licking and scudging. ‘Scudging’ is the name I’ve given to that very particular sound that cats make biting and sucking their fur while dredging out whatever they’ve got stuck in there.

Early afternoon, bat leaves, worms, bees. Eat bee, eat fly, eat moth, eat succulent plant cats definitely shouldn’t eat. (He won’t listen). Monty thinks grass is awful and sees no reason for cats to eat that stuff. I stand by him, chewing grass and miming coughing up a furball, helpfully.

Late afternoon, he comes in with Ginger-and-White’s detached claw stuck firmly in his head. And bite on ear. Looks up proudly. Does ‘dancing bear’ act for food and love. Then straight back out to start ‘batting stuff’ properly for the rest of the day…

You might catch sight of him in the garden at my next gig, Fri 18th August, 6.30pm. I’ll be hosting Moineau (DE) Frett (PL) Sieben (who he?) Trio Noir (UK). You are cordially invited to the livestream, here:


* No Monty guaranteed – he’s elusive

Cheers all,


PS: after that: 26th Aug Electrokirik Festival, Estonia / 23rd Sept Fell Foot Wood, Cumbria 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *